WARNING:

Men: you will not understand this post and may be grossed out by it.
Women: you will be jealous of me.

it has come to my attention (aka i just realized) that i have not gotten my period for... count it... A YEAR AND A HALF!!!

every woman reading this wants to be me.

is this not incredible? i haven't had severe cramps or bought tampons or had to deal with any of that bullshit in a lovely year and a half!!

then again, i did go through 9 months of pregnancy, push a 6.6 1/2 pound human being through my hoo-ha, bleed excessively for about 2 1/2 weeks, and had more mood swings (and chocolate) in a week than throughout every period since i was 12. even through all of that, though, i'm still thanking my lucky stars that my little enemy (i hate calling it my "friend." it's not my friend) has not yet returned. watch, i'm going to wake up with it tomorrow. damn you, life...


in other news (thank god, right) i will be headed back to good ol' tar-gay next week. daycare is still unsure, so i'll be working wednesday and friday nights and saturday mornings so john can watch her.

i'm pretty excited about getting back to work, although i'm having mixed feelings about putting the kid in daycare. she's only 9-months-old - my biggest fear is for her to take her first steps alone while there. when we do enroll her (which we eventually will, there's no way around it), i'm going to tell them that if she does have any major milestones to NOT TELL ME so i can be surprised when she does it at home.

you know, i'm realizing why i am so scared to put her in daycare. there's the whole milestone thing, but it goes deeper than that - my mom was always home when i was growing up. she'd put us on the bus in the morning, work as a telemarketer with the blood center a few days a week, get us off the bus in the afternoon, help with homework, make dinner, put us to bed, and then take night classes. she was like superwoman (or supermom) and i never realized how incredible she was until now. i feel like i'm selling the baby short, like i'm not providing for her well enough by giving her to strangers for a few hours a day.

i don't want to be melodramatic, but i always have this constant fear that everyone thinks i'm doing a bad job. i'm doing the best i can, but there are always those looks in older moms' eyes when they talk to me, especially because i'm so easygoing. other moms have their babies on strict schedules, while i let the kid do her own thing. older moms see too many datelines and 20/20s and read too many articles about recent studies in child safety, then admonish me for letting the baby sleep in my bed for so long or, after 9 months, letting her sleep on her stomach in the crib (she won't sleep any other way).

i know i shouldn't care and i know that i'm a good mom, but i also know what other people think, even if they don't say it out loud. i'm young and honestly not entirely prepared to raise a child, but goddamn it i'm doing it anyway.

okay... it's way late and i'm going to end this before i get too emotional. as my own version of supermom, i have been staying up until 4 or 5am doing schoolwork.

oh wait, cute anecdote: so last week john put the baby's pj's on (the onesie-thing with feeties) and after he left and i was putting her to bed, i changed her diaper. lo and behold, i found that he left her socks on under the feetie pajamas. i mean, honestly... who does that?? he's the cutest...

ok i'm going for true now. g'night (or g'morning) bitches.