when babies have babies...

it's truly incredible that john and i can turn literally anything into a heated competition. allow me to elaborate...

lil received the lovely game of "chutes and ladders - preschool edition" for xmas. after dinner last night we decided to have a family game night and whipped out the new game.

the first time i landed on a ladder, i heard a faint "damn" muttered under john's breath. i decided to ignore this.

however, the first chute i came across bumped me far down on the board. my wonderful husband stuck his finger in my face, laughed and said, "ohhhhh snap!" (ps - we're the whitest people you'll ever meet...). i responded with a decided, "oh, it's on!"

what followed now ashames me as a grown woman and mother. our poor child watched powerless as her parents were sucked into a competition like no other, battling toward victory. we passed the spinner heatedly back and forth (i think we may have skipped lil's turn a few times...) and had one or two intense arguments about whether one of us cheated on the number of spaces moved. our almost-three-year-old child's head snapped between her parents throughout the smack-talk - at one point, she actually yelled, "hey! stop yelling! we just play the game!", and rolled her eyes.

i emerged victorious, if there was ever any doubt. i remain the "chutes and ladders - preschool edition" champion of our household.

john gave up after one game (sucker...) - lil and i played another (i totally let her win...). we then had some hot chocolate, and after a wild sugar rush (she did one of those manic run-in-a-circle while speaking in tongues) we brushed teeth, read a book, said our prayers, sang a song and went to sleep.

it's kind of refreshing that john and i haven't slipped into the trap of centering our interactions around the kid, as is seen so often. we take time for each other with something as simple as cuddling and watching the news before bed or splitting a bottle of wine over dinner, toasting to something with each glass. we also take time for ourselves as individuals - he loves doing his woodworking or hanging out in his "man cave" in the basement, and one or two days a week i stay up after he's goes to sleep to iron and watch my garbage reality shows.

it's a delicate balance that's not always easy, but it makes our relationship work. after putting lil to bed i spent the night doing laundry and watching tv in the bedroom while john watched the giants game and lounged in the living room. there was no particular reason for the separation, simply the fact that we know we don't have to spend every waking moment together. it's enough for us to drink some wine with dinner, sincerely compete with each other while playing a preschool board game with our daughter, and end the night cuddling while falling asleep.

just perfect.

i'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack...

as i sit here at my corporate desk job, bored out of my mind, i remember that a long long time ago i had a blog. granted, i rarely updated it, but it was fun to write.

so here i am. it's dec. 28th and there is NOTHING going on in my office. everyone's on vacation and i am bored. woe is me.

to update y'all, i no longer a slave of tar-gay. i am now a slave of Coldwell Banker Residential Brokerage Long Island & Queens, indirectly a slave of Realogy Corp., and even more indirectly a slave of NRT LLC. we sell real estate - i am CBRB's trusty PR bitch. i schmooze the press, write releases and help with advertising, among many other things.

i started in july and it's been weird to work mon-fri 9-5. i was so used to crazy days and hours that my first weekend off i didn't know what to do with myself.

the babe's been going to "school" (read: day care) four days a week, which was at first difficult for me to swallow. she'll be 3 in a month from today (ACK!), but i can't help feeling like i'm neglecting her in a way. i read over my old posts and i absolutely still feel the sting of being a working mom. my mother was home to put us on the bus in the morning and home to take us off every afternoon. the world is different now, i realize that, but it hurts.

she's so happy at school, though. she's little miss social (and apparantly a BIG flirt with the boys...) and everyone loves her. she has a HUGE personality, is incredibly smart, has a great sense of humor and is truly becoming her own person.

perhaps that's what hurts... while she's nowhere near the point of no return, the ball is rolling - rolling away from me, that is. we open the door to her classroom and she's off and running. she always gives me a kiss goodbye (occassionally i have to chase after her to get one), but as soon as i close that door, her day has begun. her school day. for a large majority of her day-to-day life, i'm not there to influence her.

i guess that's a good thing. she's not insulated, she's exposed to kids of all ages and colors and personalities. she's also learning how to interact with adults and teenagers (teachers and aides). i went to see her holiday show and she saw me in the crowd, waved a few times, but ultimately did her thing. after her class finished, they sat to the side to watch the rest of the show. other kids in her class ran over to their parents, but she was content to sit next to her teacher and bop along to the music, occassionally glancing over to make sure i was still there.

this is my role now as a mom: to stand strong by her. it's just like when she learned to walk - i gently guided her, my finger grasped tightly in her little fist. i know she'll look to me along the way for reassurance and sometimes lean on me for support, but eventually she'll let go and walk on her own.

we have a ways to go before she assumes such independence, so for now i'll enjoy reading to her in silly voices, teaching her new words and watching her explore the world with the joy only a child can possess.