i'd rather be sailing...

i lie. i wouldn't rather be sailing. it's raining and cold. however, i quote the amazing song from "a new brain" because it has recently been added to my "songs sung to lily" rotation. she has become quite selective, actually - i usually have to begin two or three before she stops saying, "no. sing," as in, "no. sing something else, biotch." she's a mean baby.

in other news, i was recently promoted at target to head monkey. oops, i mean team lead of girls. sometimes i slip with my job title because monkeys could do my job. have i mentioned i have stellar self-respect? but seriously, kids. i'm, like, top retard (and i use "retard" in the most politically incorrect sense)(no, i will not apologize)/babysitter of all the hormonal 16-year-olds who "work" in softlines. {sigh}. i am excited for a raise and the power to write people up, though. if i can't be a super bitch at any given job, that job ain't for me.

which reminds me of a little anecdote. last fri. night i was acting team lead, as per uje, and one of the minors was chatting with three little skanks from his school. the executive pointed it out to me and said, "i'll let you take this one. you seem like you'd enjoy it." i walked over to them and stood there without saying anything while they slowly realized i was there. when they finally stopped talking i said, "so, are you guys interested in working at target?" one typically long island girl (you know the one, dark brown hair with bleached-blonde chunky highlights, airbrushed nails, serious ponch protruding from her too-tight sweater, chomping gum with a look on her face that's asking to be slapped off.... you know what i mean...) said, "ummm, no, i, like, have a job - my boss actually just gave me a promotion and a raise."

to this i responded, "wow, i'm really excited for you. in that case, miles, who does work here, needs to get back to work. you can come find him in 15 minutes when he's off the clock." then, in true bitch style, i proceeded to stand there silently, arms crossed, until they awkwardly walked away, saying, "umm let's go get eyeliner and... ummm mascara...," like they thought i'd just walk away, leaving them to chat. stupid girls. good luck with your completely unfulfilling life after you marry some dude who owns a landscaping company and goes tanning and cheats on you while you get your nails done and pick the kids up from school in a hummer.

i love it. and i hate girls. and women, too, now that i think about it.

anyhoo, speaking of hummers (the cars)(dirty minds...), don't you love that pres. bush actually said last week that one of the major reasons we're staying in iraq is to secure its oil for our own use? what? honesty??? yeesh. i thought it was weird to see satan buying a winter coat the other day, then returning to the now-chilly bowels of hell.

and yes, satan shops at target. who doesn't?

ok..... it's late and obviously i'm on something, so i'll leave you with a hint of what is to come, halloween-picture wise...




oh, and ps, we're just a few days away from being officially "under contract." can you sense john and i peeing our pants? excellent.