perfect? ah, no...
i would like to clarify my use of "just perfect" at the end of my last post. our game of preschool chutes and ladders while drinking wine was perfect.
my marriage? um, not so much.
nor is any marriage, let's not kid ourselves. as much as i wanted to believe that my parents' relationship was perfect and the thing to strive for, as i got older that pristine image quickly deteriorated. when i entered high school and truly pushed away from my parents', well, everything (beliefs, expectations, priorities, etc.), i came to see them more as flawed human beings rather than perfected symbols of what i should be.
i realized the severe passive-aggression of my mother (which i see in myself far too often) and the true progression of their decision-making (MOM wears the pants and dad assumes her position and projects it to the family, which makes HIM look like the bad guy or the hard-ass when all along he's simply supporting my mother's positions). i witnessed my mother crying hysterically on the phone as my brother told her he would be getting married in the baptist church, not catholic. i heard distinctly her unequivocal response: "well, i'm sorry, we just can't go". i read the long and detailed letter written by my FATHER to justify "their" dramatic decision - chock full of scripture passages.
ever since then i've seen them as humans, and have been horrified with myself when i occasionally slip into their m.o.
in a way i feel terrible for rejecting so strongly their deep principles and essentially the way they function as a couple. however, now that i am married i see that there are things you must do and habits you must fall into to make your marriage function. with john and i, our alone time away from each other is one way we maintain equilibrium.
as we continue to grow, both as individuals and a married team, i notice more and more adaptations. we're having a bit of drama with the kid's 3rd b-day party (another post for another day...) and i'm finding myself standing up for the way WE will now do things. because WE are now a family in and of ourselves. it is no longer about how our parents raised us, but how we will raise our daughter in our OWN way.
is my marriage perfect? HELL-to-the-NO, as whitney so eloquently puts it. john and i just had an argument last weekend about the fact that he wants to buy a huge suv/truck when his jeep dies. i say it's silly - he is not a construction worker or a mover or a lumberjack, so why does he need a massive truck? he said it won't matter what i say, he's a grown man and he'll do what he wants (half joking/half completely serious), which promptly pissed me the hell off. what a douche! so, i went to tj maxx for some retail therapy, which helped. then, as we were going to sleep he slapped that ridiculously adorable smirk on his face and said he was sorry and snuggled into me like a cat.
granted, my anger disappeared after i bought a few shirts ($5 for an adorable silk shirt that i just had to sew one hole on! $5, y'all!!), but that form of an apology made it all better. another thing i'm growing to realize is that john needs manly moments every once-in-a-while. he needs to kill some spiders, chase away squirrels, build stuff and assert his innate male dominance.
at the end of the day, though, he snuggles into me like a cat and i know that he just wants to take care of me.
don't tell him i told you, though. kitties and caring are SO not manly...