i'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack...

as i sit here at my corporate desk job, bored out of my mind, i remember that a long long time ago i had a blog. granted, i rarely updated it, but it was fun to write.

so here i am. it's dec. 28th and there is NOTHING going on in my office. everyone's on vacation and i am bored. woe is me.

to update y'all, i no longer a slave of tar-gay. i am now a slave of Coldwell Banker Residential Brokerage Long Island & Queens, indirectly a slave of Realogy Corp., and even more indirectly a slave of NRT LLC. we sell real estate - i am CBRB's trusty PR bitch. i schmooze the press, write releases and help with advertising, among many other things.

i started in july and it's been weird to work mon-fri 9-5. i was so used to crazy days and hours that my first weekend off i didn't know what to do with myself.

the babe's been going to "school" (read: day care) four days a week, which was at first difficult for me to swallow. she'll be 3 in a month from today (ACK!), but i can't help feeling like i'm neglecting her in a way. i read over my old posts and i absolutely still feel the sting of being a working mom. my mother was home to put us on the bus in the morning and home to take us off every afternoon. the world is different now, i realize that, but it hurts.

she's so happy at school, though. she's little miss social (and apparantly a BIG flirt with the boys...) and everyone loves her. she has a HUGE personality, is incredibly smart, has a great sense of humor and is truly becoming her own person.

perhaps that's what hurts... while she's nowhere near the point of no return, the ball is rolling - rolling away from me, that is. we open the door to her classroom and she's off and running. she always gives me a kiss goodbye (occassionally i have to chase after her to get one), but as soon as i close that door, her day has begun. her school day. for a large majority of her day-to-day life, i'm not there to influence her.

i guess that's a good thing. she's not insulated, she's exposed to kids of all ages and colors and personalities. she's also learning how to interact with adults and teenagers (teachers and aides). i went to see her holiday show and she saw me in the crowd, waved a few times, but ultimately did her thing. after her class finished, they sat to the side to watch the rest of the show. other kids in her class ran over to their parents, but she was content to sit next to her teacher and bop along to the music, occassionally glancing over to make sure i was still there.

this is my role now as a mom: to stand strong by her. it's just like when she learned to walk - i gently guided her, my finger grasped tightly in her little fist. i know she'll look to me along the way for reassurance and sometimes lean on me for support, but eventually she'll let go and walk on her own.

we have a ways to go before she assumes such independence, so for now i'll enjoy reading to her in silly voices, teaching her new words and watching her explore the world with the joy only a child can possess.