long overdue, i know...

people have been bitching to me about updating this thang, so here goes. i've been insanely busy lately with tar-gay, school, and the kid. she is ALL OVER the place now - she's mastered crawling and is cruising with the best of them.

(to those who don't know these crazy baby terms, cruising is walking while holding on)(which doesn't really make sense because she's barely "cruising," more like "shuffling her feet and not falling, if she's lucky")(okay... "cruising" sounds way better).

today at john's she let go of the kitchen table and stood on her own for about three seconds before plopping onto her butt - but of course i was the ONLY person to see it... and nobody believes me. boo. why would i make that up, though? if i really wanted to puff her up, i'd say she cured cancer or something and can speak five languages. i mean really - i have a great imagination and wouldn't waste it on claiming she stood for three seconds. gosh.

oh man, so my boobs. a month and a half after weaning and the girls look like two deflated balloons. it's depressing, really. but i came across an article today on ivillage that said that it can take up to 6 months for boob fat to build up again, so there's still hope. apparantly the deflated balloon scenario is pretty common. awesome.

let's see... what else... oh - i got majorly depressed at the beginning of last week after going to mass on sunday. the gospel was the parable of the talents - to quickly sum it up: a master gives his three servants talents (a.k.a. money) while he goes on vacation. the first and second servants invest theirs while the third buries it in fear of losing it. when the master returns, the servants present the talents - the first two made a profit and the third brought his back shiny and new, but unused. the master was angry with the servant for wasting the talents and threw him out.

while the gospel uses the word talents as money, the story is also applicable to talents as we refer to them today (how awkwardly formal was that sentence...). the homily (given by my favorite priest) talked about not wasting what God gave you and serving the world with your gifts. this is where i got depressed and became really sad when i thought about it the next night. i am so torn with my life right now. i truly feel that i was put on this earth to raise my little girl, to give her life and teach her to be a good person, but WHY did God give me the desire for theatre? it seems so cruel - while i love being a mom and wouldn't trade it for the world, i can't help but entertain that exact thought. i missed theatre like you wouldn't believe the past few days and have resorted to watching myself on tape (the picture of pathetic) while crying. oy oy oy.

i'm feeling a lot better now, but i kind of want to meet with fr. sean and ask him about it. i just don't understand. it's like a cruel joke, seriously. in a way i wish i had never had theatre in my life at all - maybe i wouldn't know what i was missing. i've loved my experiences, but the more i think about them, the more regretful and sad i become.

ok i'm being a total debbie downer. i love the kid and john and i would be lost without either of them, but i'm so afraid i'll be lost in a few years without theatre. {sigh}. i hope i figure this out - suggestions would be much appreciated.

alrighty - that's enough depression for now. the kid now has four teeth on the top and two on the bottom and enjoys chewing on my chin - i think it's how she kisses me. it's cute, really. i'm hoping to post more pictures soon - i'll put a good one on here.

PS - joan: i need to call you this week - i officially suck at talking on the phone.
PPS - cait: you'd better f'n come visit me, i'll tell you what. no joke, yo.
PPPS - boobs: hang on, sisters.

what's that? i have the cutest child eva? thanks, i already knew...

i mean c'mon. what the hell else can i say? there are three more pics so far in the online photo album, but there are lots more to come...

i started back at tar-gay tonight, which was exhausting. i'm going to work wed. and fri. nights and sat. mornings until jan. at the earliest - then we may put the kid in day care for a few hours every day so i can work weekday mornings again. i am SO looking forward to that - i HATE HATE HATE working with stupid high school boys and girls who flirt and giggle with each other and do no work.

when did i become such a killjoy? yeesh.

anyhoo, i was a little nervous going back to work, but also slightly empowered... difficult to explain. i worked my ass off and am really proud of myself, but missed the baby like crazy. this saturday is going to be AWFUL. i have eucharistic minister training in uniondale from 9am-1pm, then i work from 3-11pm. ri-COCK-ulous, i know. but hey, it's money, which i definitely need. i am going to be jonesing for my little cupcake by the end of the day. she's totally gonna sleep in my bed, no question. she's right next to me now - i missed her too much today to put her in the crib. aren't i selfish? oh well.

okay... i can't really think of anything else to write - i'm way burned out. oh - one last thing - so i go and pick up the babe from john's tonight. we put her in my car and as john and i hug goodbye, i notice a weird look on his face. upon asking what was the matter, he proceeded to tell me, "you smell like target." what the hell does that mean? there are lots of smells associated with target: no-english-speaking-illegal-immigrant-overnight-worker, slutty-pubescent-high school-boys-and-girls, bitter-seniors-damning-the-government-and-their-shitty-social-security-program, mad with power-"team leaders"-who-never-realize-that-no-one-is-jealous-of-their-chosen-career-as-the-manager-of-shoes, and the familiar stench of inexpensive-clothing-made-in-a-vietnamese-sweatshop. perhaps it's a combination of all five. "eau de target," i'll call it.

alrighty i think that's all i have to say about that.